I looked around the room for a place to sit. There was only one chair, and when I started to move toward it, it disappeared, and in the place of its absence a fire manifested and produced a demon. I could tell I was in a cellar because of the small windows you often find up by the ceiling in cellars. Margaret would have figured this out by now, I thought to myself. Since my wife and daughter had been swallowed by the sky, three years ago nothing was normal. You never think your family will be taken by a tornado, and then one day it happens and you’re like, well of course it could happen. Living in a valley town in New Hampshire beside the Merrimack a tornado is the last thing you worry about. You just let the unexpected go as easily as that tornado let them go. You spiral down onto everything for a while taking everything and making a line saying I was here look at me and then there’s just baggage and ruin to live through. I just missed them painfully and wanted to hold them again. It’s why I’d begun reading as many books as I could on spirit summoning in many of the world’s religions, and why, because I clearly had a lot to learn about pretty much everything, I’d gone ahead and mistakenly summoned a demon. “So, you want to be reconnected with your wife Margaret and your daughter Elise,” it said. “I’m pretty sure I do, yes,” I said. “I bet you do,” it said. It grabbed its fiery genitals and made a face. “I banish you back from whence you came,” I said. “I banish you blabadee blabadee poo,” it said. Be gone, creature of the ancient darkness!” I said. “Okay, I’ll go… not,” it said. It spit black ooze at me and some landed in my holy water, causing it to hiss and steam. “I cast you out minion!” I said. “Still here,” it said. “I call upon the almighty to send you back from whence you came,” I said. “Boy, you’re really bad at this, it’s almost beautiful,” it said. “What’s so beautiful about it?” I said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone as pathetic and demented as you, Richard. The way you’ve convinced yourself that there’s a textbook on how to do this shit is priceless,” it said. “I do sound pretty cliché, I’ll admit,” I said. “See, now we’re talking. Care for a coffee?” it said. “At this point, I don’t see why not,” I said. “Cream, or no cream?” it said. “Cream please,” I said. It squeezed pus from what appeared to be an udder on its shoulder into a cup of coffee it had materialized into thin air. How dare it do that! “Return to hell!” I said. “Yeah, no thanks,” it said. It threw the coffee at me and hit me in the face with it. It didn’t taste that bad. “I probably deserved that,” I said. “About my wife and daughter…” “Yeah, you’re not seeing them again my ungrateful friend. When you’re dead, you’re dead,” it said. But I couldn’t accept that. “I demand you bring them back to me!” I said. “I demand a cheeseburger and a side of sweet potato fries,” it said.