An ostrich came to my door and asked me where the closest watering hole was. “There are some lakes and ponds in the area,” I said. “Too big,” he said. “Too much water,” I said. “I’d drown,” he said. “Just take a few sips,” I said. “Just give a little slurp?” he said. I asked the ostrich if he wanted to come in for a glass of water. “That isn’t going to happen,” he said. “Why not? It’s a manageable amount,” I said. “Yeah, the perfect amount to drown in,” he said. “It’s just a little bit,” I said. “Have you seen how narrow this throat is?” he said. “It is very thin,” I said. “You should feel how hard it is to hold it straight in a slight breeze,” he said. “It must be hard being an ostrich,” I said. “Sometimes, when facing the wind even breathing is hard,” he said. “That sounds really annoying,” I said. “And we haven’t even mentioned going to the bathroom in the woods while nearly choking on my own stench,” he said. “I’m so sorry,” I said. “I notice you’re not crying though,” he said. “No, I guess I’m not,” I said. Then the ostrich seemed to grow big. It looked straight down at me and its eyes seemed as large as planets. “Cry for me, or else,” he said.