Sprayed Across The Earth

An author behind a lectern said hello to an auditorium full of his readers. He raised his hand and said hello. He thought it peculiar that he didn’t notice a single person say hello back. After the reading he lifted himself into a nearby wood chipper and sprayed himself across the earth. Dusting himself off and getting himself together he walked to the cafe and bought a double espresso and a muffin. He ate it in the seat by the window when a chickadee flew into it and died instantly, dropping into a cigarette bucket just outside the door. The author left the cafe and got a running start before he took off and flew home. When he arrived, he was shocked to learn his house had gone up in a fire and that his family had died inside. “I’m sorry sir, but we did all we could.” The cop said. “Did you walk into the fire?” The author said. “That certainly could have saved them,” the cop said. “They could be sitting here with me now eating ham and cheese grinders,” the author said. “Or Hawaiian pizza with ginger ale,” the cop said. “Not Hawaiian pizza,” the author said. “That’s not even pizza.” “Poor choice of words,” the cop said. “Poor choice of pizza,” the author said.

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