The Duende of Renaldo Worthington

“I’m having difficulty focusing,” I said. “Does this help?” Renaldo said, hitting me in the back of the head. “That does, actually,” I said. “I suppose it’s kind of like being whapped on the back by a Zen monk.” He picked up a cinderblock and dropped it on my toe. “How about that?” He said. “Even better,” I said. He got into his truck and started it. He drove over me. “How’s that?” He said. “The best yet,” I said. We drove to the airport and signed up for plane jumping. We jumped out of the plane, me first, and then him. “Your chute is ripped,” he said. “Oh, this ought to be good,” I said. I hit. I waited for him to come down. “What took you so long?” I said. “How did that feel?” He said. “The best yet, but something tells me this is only the beginning,” I said. “Just cracked the surface,” he said. “Let’s put you in a cannon and shoot you into a wall.” “Head over to the National guard?” I said. “Sounds good,” he said. We got in his car and drove to the National Guard. There were some construction workers digging a hole on the side of the road, and laying some new pipe. “I’ll be right back,” I said. I ran over to the hole and dove in. “Impressive, but can you do a flip into a dive?” the worker said. “The flip first into a dive, or can it be a dive first into a flip and then out into a dive again?” I said. He gave me the nod. I stepped back and then showed it how it was done. “Thanks for letting me do that in your hole,” I said. “Any time,” he said. I’d made a new friend. Renaldo and I walked up to the gate and asked the guy in the booth if he would let us use a tank or something with a gun big enough to load at least part of me. “How long are you guys going to be?” He said. “It should only take like one shot, and then we’ll be off.” I said. “I don’t see the problem in doing it just once.” He said. “Care to go out for subs after?” I said. “That sounds great.” He said. “On a scale from 1 to 10, how great?” I said. “That depends on the relative value of the numbers and how they are perceived,” he said. The gatekeeper picked up his gun and shot me in the face. “Some holes you can’t see through because they keep filling in with what they were once made of,” he said. “It’s like walking in sand.” I said. “How did you get him to make him shoot you?” Renaldo said. “You think I performed a suggestive mind trick on him?” I said. Then he shot Renaldo. “This might change things,” Renaldo said. “It might, but there’s no way to know for sure,” I said. “Let’s head over to the tank and see if we can’t stuff you in,” he said. “This is why I love you, Renaldo,” I said. “You can always count on me,” he said. “I’d go to war for you,” I said. “Until there’s nothing left of us,” he said.

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