Hurt

I’m no monster, though there have been times

I’ve wished to be walking off into some darkness

of my mind to suddenly find myself pulled apart,

and not as close to being me as I wish I was.

I tell myself all the time I’ve somehow transcended

the goal-setting stage in my life,

and that now everything is coming smoothly,

but the truth is, nothing ever measures up.

These days I just want to believe

everything is more than what it is.

I mean, I want to think I’ve tried teaching myself

how to be happy,

but I’ve never really been rejected,

after all, there is always me to talk to,

and I sound like two feet walking down a hallway in a hurry.

You have to know that even if I wasn’t so afraid

of helping myself understand

what it means to be average,

I still wouldn’t become a spiritual nurse and want to

take care of everybody who can’t fail gracefully,

wouldn’t detach from desire

in an effort to know myself more selflessly,

so that I wasn’t projecting my wants

and needs onto all my me’s in an unconscious effort

to possess myself.

Sometimes a step forward is a step forward,

though it may be a very small one.

And sometimes people are just mean.

I know it sounds obvious,

And forgive me if I come off a little pretentious sounding,

but maybe just for a reminder…

sometimes you just can’t keep yourself from being hurt.